Remember Me
by Pineapple References
Summary: It's been seven years. Seven years since the day Gilbert disappeared. Seven years since I've seen Vash cry. Seven years since I discovered something that would change our lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

_Think of me, ___Think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. . .__

How do you describe the most awesome man on earth? If you had known him, well, he was simply amazing. Back in high school he always insisted on calling me Roddy even though he knew how much I hated it. He even made sure the damn name grew on me. He was just, so… well, what could you say about the boy who used to irritate you everyday, yet always hid in the same spot behind the doorway to the orchestra room just to hear you perform. The boy who'd say how uptight you were, yet also said he had the best memories only with you. The boy who'd make fun of how slow you walked, yet was always there to carry you when your legs gave out. The boy who'd turn his back to the entire world just to 'look at your pretty smile.' He was completely aggravating, obnoxious, stubborn, irritating, yet so endearing. That's what Gilbert was to me, that and so much more.

Life with Gilbert was never a routine. It always changed, was always exciting, no one day even close to what was to come. I had to admit pissing off the 'neighbors' by placing a plastic flamingo in front of our apartment door was pretty fun, and that time we poured bottles of dish soap in the park fountain, I can never forget the way he lifted me bridal style and sprinted out of there so suddenly. He didn't stop or put me down until we were home. It wasn't even too horrible when he set off the fire alarm for the whole apartment building when we tried baking apple strudel for the first time. When we finally got the house together. Or even that time he tried to learn how to play the piano for me. It was all so much fun, I would've never even thought that some contradictory self-proclaimed legend would be my best friend, my love, my life. But that was in the past. Just a memory. It's been seven years years since I've witnessed him having one.

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><p><em>Seven Years Earlier<em>

_._

_._

_._

It was my birthday again, the second since we've been together and the eighth I've actually celebrated with him. It felt like it's been a lifetime since I've been with him. Every day was a new adventure, but birthday's were different. He'd always pretend to forget the date or my birthday entirely, then pull out a present or a bouquet of roses not five minutes later, saying he was _far_ too awesome of a boyfriend to forget my birthday. It was kind of cute, his humor was strange but it kept things exciting. We were _never_ bored together.

This year I woke up a bit earlier than usual to a warm radiating aura filling the house. I followed it to the kitchen and I walked in on him cooking an extravagant breakfast, thankfully not burning the entire house down. I smiled at him from the doorway hoping to slink away unnoticed, then again I knew, he'd know I was there, he could always tell. He was 'the most awesome boyfriend in the world' after all.

"Hey! Whatcha' doing over there?" You didn't even have to _know_ Gilbert to hear the brash grin in his voice. I sighed in exasperation, abandoning all hope of at least _pretending _that the surprise he planned for me was still a surprise this year.

"It's alright, there's always next year!" Gilbert cackled, as if hearing my thoughts, as he worked on a pan of what looked like a rapidly crumbling omelet. I smiled as I walked over to him and looked over at the excessive amount of plates lining the counter, There was so much, apple strudels, eggs, pancakes, toast, and a few bowls of fruit. He was never one to make things simple, it was so like him to create only the best if not the biggest meal for breakfast on my birthday. I loved him for that. He'd never make things plain and simple for us, _we_ weren't simple, surprises were only to be as extravagant as we were. I scanned over everything questioningly, before I was snapped out of my thoughts from Gilbert humming in confusion as he moved the egg around, looking around with darkened eyes as if he just woke up there. I guess that was to be expected, Gilbert never was an early riser.

"Is everything okay Gilbert?" He jumped slightly at my voice, whipping his head around jerkily, but calmed down as soon as he saw me and kissed my cheek.

"Oh, sorry I guess I forgot you were there," Gilbert laughed raucously as usual, "It's just, when did I make _so_ much food this morning?" To be honest, I couldn't tell if he was being serious, but after a minute I remembered his little trick, he did it every year after all. Now that I think of it, he was a little slow at times, especially early in the morning. But nobody was on top of everything all the time, even Gilbert. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Oh, come on we should probably eat this now. We shouldn't let such a lovely breakfast go to waste."

"Well of course it's awesome! _I _made it after all. Although I just can't remember why I made _so _much," Gilbert's toothy smile peeked through his contrasting red eyes. I laughed lightly and helped him move all of the plates to the table, realizing after a third trip how much he actually made.

"For crying out loud Gilbert are you trying to feed all of Austria!?" Gilbert laughed as he brought back the last plate and kissed me on the cheek.

"Nope, just us!" Gilbert continued laughing as he got us forks for our ridiculously large meal. We exchanged glances as we ate. Talking lightly. Exchanging glances and small smiles. Everything was perfect. I looked out the window by our table, there were two doves sitting on the stout tree in our backyard illuminated by the rising sun behind them. They fluttered their wings and preened, occasionally fixing up the other's feathers with their beaks. They flew away together making figure eights and chasing one another until they climbed up past the tallest tree in the yard and parted ways. They'd be back later. They always were.

"Hey Roddy, watcha' looking at?" Gilbert smiled.

"Just the birds again," I sighed, biting down on a dripping slice of honeydew.

"Ah," Gilbert looked back down at his plate, pushing his apple strudel around with a fork.

"So, do we have any plans for later?" I hummed, trying out a forkful of what was probably the best apple strudel I've ever tasted. There was no denying it, Gilbert was an _awesome _chef. Why he wasn't eating his was a mystery.

"Plans? What do you mean? What's today's date?" Gilbert put his fork down staring into my eyes with concern.

"Gil, wha-" everything dropped, the air got heavy around my head and I sunk into my seat.

"OH! Is _today_ the twenty-sixth?" Gilbert cracked a small grin. I exhaled in relief. Right. That joke.

"All right Gil you got me," I huffed halfheartedly.

"And just what do you mean by that?"

"Oh quit it." I crossed my arms but the smile still crept up on my face, that joke had gotten a little old, but it was nice that even after eight years of knowing each other his youthful spark never dwindled. I wasn't complete without my boyfriend's silly antics, which I admit does help me loosen up, a lot.

"Alright Roddy, you still need to go pretty yourself up, you know, since we're going out later, okay?" That was odd, since when did Gilbert make plans to go _out_? We usually just stayed in all day and did our own thing, made up something to do in the house during the day, had some friends and relatives over. Going out on my birthday was a rarity due to my walking problems. It never got too severe where it stopped us from other things, but I preferred to walk as little as possible on my birthday.

"Oh, okay" I kissed his temple before placing my plate in the sink.

"Hey Roddy?" Gilbert walked after me, placing his plate as well as the others in the sink.

"Yea?" I wiped my hands on the dish towel that hung on the oven door.

"Happy birthday," Gilbert wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a kiss, soft and secure. There was one thing that was constant with Gilbert. He never failed to take my breath away. He pulled away with a toothy beam that radiated sincerity.

"Go upstairs now, okay Roddy? I'll see you soon." I nodded, and turned to go to the hallway, but Gilbert stopped me.

"Wait!" He panicked, gripping on to my shoulder refusing to let me go. I turned nervously, looking deep into his frightened red irises.

"What is it? Is everything okay Gilbert?" I rubbed his arm softly, soothing him until he was only slightly on edge.

"No, it's just. I love you," I smiled and let out a laugh.

"I love you too Gilbert. I'll get ready to go out now, okay?" I held his hand tighter as he nodded, then turned as I let go.

I trudged up the stairs slowly. I wondered why he made plans to actually leave the house for my birthday this year. And why he was so nervous, that wasn't really like him either. It's not that I minded but we never really went out too often for either of our birthdays. I couldn't walk too well and preferred not to on my birthday, and Gilbert though adventurous and full of energy liked to relax on his, it was one of the few times a year he was okay being a little lazy. Of course the day after he would go right back into his usual zany lifestyle. I headed into our room and slipped on a baby blue button down and comfy dress pants for the day, we couldn't be doing anything _that_ involved if Gilbert had planned it for me. I hope.

Just as I finished dressing I heard almost foreign footsteps from downstairs, they moved slowly, quietly, like they weren't meant to be there. I panicked as I started to leave our room cautiously holding out a frying pan Gilbert insisted on keeping under the bed for emergencies. The footsteps sounded wildly almost as if they were rushed, panicked, lost. They ran frantically around, circling the lower level, then quieted once more before the noises stopped altogether. My grip on the handle tightened, my knuckles turning whiter by the second. Was that the sound of a door closing? No. just the one behind me. I inhaled fearfully as I descended down the stairs, heart racing, palms soaking, mind blanking, my feet twitched every time my leg decided to tremble violently with each step.

"Gilbert?" I called. Nothing. My steps started to shake more violently, my legs were giving out.

"Gil?" I tried again, finally reaching the base of the stairs, holding onto the railing and the pan for all I had. The tears built in my eyes from fear and frustration, I gasped in alarm as I hesitantly let go of the railing, leant on the wall supporting my weight against it, and turned the corner into the kitchen. Everything dropped, or maybe that was just the pan. My heart shattered, ears filled with an awful metallic screeching, skin felt on fire, muscles froze, and my legs gave out entirely. Even the wall couldn't hold me up now. My knees hit the ground with a sickening crack, my lower half felt hollow, and I knew like this I'd need about a half hour before my legs could finally return to normal. When I finally looked back into the kitchen, oh god if only I'd been sooner, what I saw was nothing. He was gone, there was no trace of him. I used the pan to pick myself up again despite the burning flame I felt to be using my knees so suddenly, turned to the door and ran. I ran as fast as I could with my condition, focusing on staying upright not even noticing that I didn't grab my set of keys. It didn't matter. His weren't there. Staying upright mattered. Running mattered. Finding Gilbert mattered.

"GILBERT!" I shouted desperately into the streets, limping along, waving my arms in a futile attempt to balance myself having abandoned the pan in the house only having my willpower keeping me upright. I didn't last very long. My legs finally gave up on me after two blocks, and I tumbled onto the cold pavement.

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><p><strong><em>To be continued. . . .<em>**

**_Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!_**


	2. Chapter 2

_Remember me, once in a while please promise me you'll try. . ._

"GILBERT!" I strangled out. My knees were entirely immobile, refusing to move the right way, practically rolling around. I must've loosened the joint more than it already was. Why did my hyper-mobility have to stab be in the back now? WHY!?

"GIL!" I screamed. The words becoming metal on my teeth, the searing pain taking away from my comfort even to breathe. All of my other senses blanked. My eyes only captured white, my ears rung, echoing my screams, the only thing I could possibly feel was the internal pain being released into what I felt in my patellar cavities. No. My heart ached even more. I took a glimpse at my mangled legs. To anyone else they would've looked broken, or 'they shouldn't be bent like_ that_.' But that's not what concerned me. They've always been like that. I hesitantly lifted the slightly bloodied pants' legs above my knee, terrified of what I would see. I would've fallen over had I not been sprawled on the pavement. The cap over my knees shattered, the scraped, bloody skin atop flexed inwards where bone should've been. My falls were just a little too hard on them this time. I wouldn't be getting up again. Not anytime soon. Why wasn't Gilbert here? He'd always be there when something like this happened. _Always_.

"Gil," I cried. I didn't feel the silent tears prick at my eyes. Or hear the short, hollow whimpers I gasped out trying to be heard by someone else. Anyone else. The pain was too much, all of it. My breaths slowly became heavy and ragged to cope with the flame roaring from my shattered bones. I bit down on my inner cheek. Hard. I heard a door. I think. Footsteps. _Gilbert. Please help me._

"Who-," I looked up, the tears rushing down my cheeks into the open sunlight. Then there was gold.

"Roderich?" The sound of that voice recollected my vision, my hearing, I could even taste the blood that I didn't know was beginning to pool in my mouth. I knew that voice. I hated that it wasn't his, hated that the familiarity of it made everything even more unbearable. It's been too long since I've heard it, but there's one sound that could never escape the back of your mind. The voice behind your first heartbreak.

"Vash?" I looked up and there he was. Just as I had remembered him. His blond hair blocked out the sun in a golden curtain, his permanent scowl loosened at the corners of his pointed lips. Those deep blue eyes masked a porcelain face that bored into mine with en empty cloud of nothing. I couldn't tell if he was concerned, irritated, or just surprised to see me.

"What are you doing out here?" His harsh accent was oddly comforting yet so unnervingly uptight at the same time. It was a shame he didn't realize how angry he sounded when he tried to come off as polite.

"I was looking for Gilbert, he's gone Vash," My voice quavered, my entire body shook as if refusing to accept where I was right now. What I just went through. I want to be home. I want this morning back. I want to be with Gilbert. I couldn't bear to follow where Vash's eyes met, I knew they'd be locked on my disfigured knees. It's hard enough that I was completely helpless, weakened, alone, but did _everything_ have to go wrong? Screw you Murphy's Law. Vash looked out behind me and looked pointedly at something off in the distance. He sighed and knelt to the ground looking closer at my knees, nearly cupping his hand around one as it ghosted the surface of the broken skin. I turned my head away again, I couldn't bear to see how he'd react to seeing them. What he'd think of me. Light pokes at the skin set the area aflame, I flinched away and bent over my knee in agony. _What are you doing?_ My ability to speak was obstructed by shallow gasps. The cloudiness in my head grew again, everything else around me was fogged in an off focus light. I think I glared at him, at least in his general direction of him, and his off light twin.

"Come on, let's get you inside," Vash sighed lifting me bridal style in such a way that my joints felt slightly better. Not good enough. Never. He looked bored. He was always bored. I guess that's why he stopped putting up with me. With us.

"Where are you- oh," Vash carried me across the street to the only house with an opened door. A woman was standing by the doorway clearly worried. As we got closer to the house I realized how short the doorway was up close. How small the woman was.

"What happened?" Her soft voice marbled out.

"I'm not entirely sure right now, but it doesn't matter. We must help him." Vash nodded at the woman who immediately nodded back and disappeared into the house. Vash set me down on a long green sofa in a small, yet finely decorated living room.

"Is that-" I started.

"Yes. She is Lily, I believe you've heard of her?" Ah. So that was the woman he'd been seeing. "But we're not here to discuss that now. Why were you out in the street, something about missing... Gilbert?"

"Y-yes, he disappeared this morning. We ate breakfast together l-like we normally do, and when I left for five minutes, oh god it was only five minutes." I clapped my hands over my face, and more tears rolled down.

"What happened Roderich?" Vash neither pushed, or sugarcoated in his tone. Not demanding, yet stern.

"He was just gone. He even grabbed his keys. He knew he'd be leaving me. And on my birthday. I don't know if he'll even want to come back, or where he went. There was nothing." I sat up, arching into the cracks as my back stretched. Now I knew. He told me he loved me because he knew he'd be leaving me. What kind of sick joke was that? Why was he doing this?

"Do you think there was any reason behind it? Any clue as to where he went?" I shook my head and looked down, too ashamed that I could lose my boyfriend of two years meanwhile my ex was doing perfectly fine with his girlfriend- no fiancé of, oh god what was it? four years now? It took him almost a year to find someone else after he ended it, it took me over two years. Pathetic.

"Hey Vash?" A small voice came from the doorway. "I brought the gauze." She stepped into the room holding a roll of gauze and a bottle of pills. I never got a good look at her, but I knew she'd be small. She was frail. A tiny blonde thing that could've pulled off for Vash's younger sister if it hadn't been for the subtle things. Her hair was just a few shades darker. Her face just a tweak narrower on the edges. Her eyes a deep shade of green rather than Vash's blue. I looked her up and down, she was very pretty. She had a youthful radiance that showed off in her dress, and the blue ribbon that adorned her hair. Yet something about her was so... off. Vash started to wrap the gauze around my knee to keep it in place so the broken bone won't move around in the socket, or worse. Away from it.

"Would you like anything to eat?" Vash asked me, but for some reason Lily flinched lightly. I looked between them for a moment trying to figure out why she'd be so fidgety, but nothing came to mind. They exchanged glances for a minute, their stoic faces had light flickering in their eyes communicating something only they could possibly know.

"I am happy Vash." Lily whispered, almost completely latent beyond my hearing. But it was there. What was it? What did that mean?

"Oh, uh no thank you. I just ate," I turned away hoping that I could forget. Forget what just happened, about Vash slowly wrapping up my other knee. I felt like I was intruding, like I shouldn't be here as they shared covert messages to one another. I hope I wasn't causing any of those problems. Now I just feel even worse. I slumped over in thoughts of causing trouble for everyone around me. I should be home right now. Lost in my own little world with Gilbert. Today was supposed to be special. Vash heavily exhaled as he finished wrapping up the other knee, looking over his work.

"We need to get you to a hospital, this won't be good for long."

"NO!" I shouted, my body shaking. "I won't go anywhere until I find Gilbert!" Vash growled, clearly agitated.

"I knew you'd be like this, but we really should get you to a hospital. The police won't send out a search party until a person's been gone for twenty-four hours, and in your condition you just don't have that kind of time to let this sit without proper treatment."

"Please Vash, don't take me there. I have to get out there again," I shifted so my legs faced the edge of the couch, my knees immobile due to the stiff gauze keeping them from bending.

"Are you crazy!? You can't stand yet, let alone walk. You'll kill yourself out there!" I didn't bother with a retort, rather I licked my my lips and set to stand on my own.

"I mean it Roderich, you can't walk. Just let me take care of it, I'll find him for you." I stopped as my feet planted on the ground. The pressure in my knees was unbearable, the pain shooting up my legs, into my spine, and throughout my body like a rush of fire, the intensity of shattered glass raging through my overworked knees. I heaved in exhaustion trying to muster out a few words.

"I have to. He has to be. _Okay_." And with that I slipped into oblivion.

.

.

.

The next time I woke up, I was in my house. It was calm, even eerie. I looked to my right, I was on our bed surrounded by the thick, comforting, black and white blankets. He was also there. I would've recognized him even with my eyes shut. I was completely in awe by his presence.

"Gilbert?" He was just sitting there. His platinum hair was scruffy as usual, wispy bangs flipped over his bright ruby eyes. He stared off into space, ignoring my presence. My complete disbelief that he was really there. His jaw was tightened with pain, his eyes flashed for a moment, then he turned his head the other way. It didn't matter to me. We were finally home, together. It was all I wanted for today. Now everything was perfect.

"Gilbert!" I reached up, laughed. He was finally there, so close to me. Whited out with my vision, but there. We could make up for today's loss and forget any of this ever happened.

"Where have you-" A body got in the way, moved right through him. His figure faded out with the new presence, the ghost of white fading away. The house wasn't even my own. I was back on a couch in a lovely little room. Everything around me seemed to disappear. _What!? I should've known. He was never there._

"Hey! What are you- Vash?" He smiled, actually smiled. It wasn't sweet. Pitiful. It pained him to smile for me.

"This is probably due to the drugs we gave you. You might be seeing things for a while, or at least until you pass out."

"What, why did you drug me Vash?" Lily giggled from somewhere in the distance.

"Lily?" I spun my head around, trying to find her. She spoke.

_"I'm happy Vash." Where are you?_

_"I'm happy." _Then her voice was gone. Gilbert's voice faded in. Gilbert's voice, it was such a beautiful sound at a time like this. Like music.

_"I love you." Then why did you leave?_

"I know you must be confused, but it will all make sense soon." I didn't care about that.

"Where is Gilbert?" My heart pounded. _Please, just say what I want to hear._

"We found him, Roderich. He's, well. He- uh, fine. You just can't see him right now."

"What! Why not? What's wrong, please Vash I have to see him."

"He's not even here Roderich. Please, just forget about him, and worry about yourself!"

"What! No, what are you talking about, I just heard him!"

"It's just the drug, that wasn't real."

"Can I just see him once? I need to know-"

"No, we found him, now you must go to a hospital. That was the deal."

"Please-"

"No, you listen to me Roderich," Vash was on the brink of tears. "You need to worry about yourself, Gilbert will not fix your knees, and especially the way you worsened them... you passed out from _pain_ Roderich. Just please go help yourself. I promise-" Vash's tears came down desperately, abandoning his usual stoic nature. I don't think I've _ever_ seen him cry. "-everything will be fine when you wake up."

"No, I have to see him! What's wrong Vash? Why can't you tell me?" I panicked. _Gilbert wasn't okay._ My breaths shallowed, my pulse picked up. I couldn't tell what was real anymore. _This can't be real._ My mind played over awful thoughts, dreadful things that could possibly make someone like Vash succumb to tears. In front of me no less.

"That is for him to decide."

"What do you _mean?_" Everything was fading. _Oh god what's happening to me? _

"Shhhh," Vash's tears rolled down and fell from his cheeks. An oddly beautiful, sorrowful sight. He didn't bother dabbing at his reddened face. "Please, just rest well for now Roderich." And with that, I finally accepted his words.

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><p><em><strong>To be continued. . . .<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

_When you find, that once again you long, to take your heart back and be free. . ._

I never realized how relaxing waking up could be. There was no more pain. All of it washed away along with my heartache. My fears. Gilbert was finally found. My eyes finally opened on their own, taking in what was around me. I never fully understood why hospital rooms were white. It made vision adjustment _that _much more impossible. I saw a woman walking back and forth, in and out of the room, occasionally smiling at me. The burst of color in a room so dull created a diversion that made my eyes drawn to her, and soon enough the fuzziness washed away. She almost seemed to glide throughout the room, collecting a few things as she walked back out into the hall. After a while she walked nearer, stopped by my bed, and spoke to me with a soft accent.

"Hello Mr. Edelstein, I'm doctor Linser. I operated on your knees while you were out, there is nothing to worry about, they should be just fine in a few months. Of course you will have to stay off of them in that time, and see to a physical therapist once a week once you have spent eight weeks off of them, but with your medical history I am sure this is nothing new to you." I smiled politely at her. She was very nice, and had a calm relieving aura that her voice suited perfectly.

"That is fine, thank you." I smiled sadly, she was right. Another three months in a wheelchair was nothing new, yet it was depressing as I knew my legs would continue to grow weaker. It only meant that I had even less time until walking would become impossible. I've tried everything to slow it down, but I knew it would be inevitable. Just as the doctors told me the day I had to use a wheelchair for the first time in high school. They were all so surprised that I lasted that long without needing one. I hope the day I never get up again is the day I don't need to anymore. I will have done whatever I needed to do, and anything else I could ever want would be there. Gilbert will be there on that day.

"Is there anything else you need at the moment?"

"No, thank you." She nodded with a pleasant smile.

"Are you well enough to have a visitor? The man that brought you here had been waiting for you for quite some time now." The woman smiled with a sigh, "He must really care for you." I didn't want to get my hopes up and believe it was Gilbert, but I could only wrap my mind around it being him. Who else could it be? I couldn't help but to smile and nod in excitement anticipating seeing Gilbert for the first time since he went missing. For the first time I noticed the clock in the room. That had been a day ago. It's six in the morning. I missed my birthday. I didn't let it get to me too much, after all it meant nothing if Gil wasn't there. At least I was unconscious rather than alone. I didn't notice that the woman left, probably to tell Gilbert that he could come in. Maybe he'll have an explanation for everything. Maybe I was wrong to think he just left the house for no reason. Maybe he was going to walk back in and surprise me. Maybe he left a note I overlooked, saying when he'd be back, or where I would have to meet him. Maybe I just panicked and ran off too soon. I started to get hopeful. Something that would always be my worst enemy in life.

"Alright Mr. Edelstein your visitor is here," the woman nodded before stepping out of the room. The man that was now a ghost of my old friend walked into the room with hollow steps, and sat with a sallow thump on the chair next to my bed. He looked beyond awful. Haggard. His blond hair was either sticking up, or matted down in knotted patches, his reddened, tearstained cheeks only brought out the darkened circles under his crystal blue eyes, and his usual porcelain features looked dully paled, even under the brightened light of the room. Vash looked like he needed to be sent back to his own room in the hospital.

"Vash? What happened to you?" I looked over his rumpled clothing, the same clothes he had been wearing when he scooped me off of the street.

"That doesn't really matter now. I've been here since I brought you, so I probably look a little under the weather. Nothing crazy." I blinked to keep from making a face. Was he being serious?

"I think that was the biggest understatement of the year." I huffed, looking over his wearied figure.

"I don't believe that I came here to talk about me Roderich. How are you doing? Do your knees still hurt?"

"No, I am well."

"Good," Vash nodded.

"Yea," I trailed off awkwardly. I didn't want to ask him so soon, I mean he just got here, but I had to know.

"Something tells me that even if you weren't okay, you're not too focused on yourself at the moment." So he did know, I guess I had made it obvious enough.

"How is he Vash?" He just looked down and sighed to himself.

"He is, well, he's okay. I guess he's just a little stressed out right now." I tensed. What did that mean? Why would Gilbert be stressed?

"I know you have no idea what I'm talking about, but you can see him if it'll make you feel any better." Vash looked down, almost as if he felt guilty of something.

"Really? Right now? I can just get a wheelchair and-"

"Wait!" Vash stopped me in a panicked breath. "Not immediately Roderich you just woke up, give it a little time." I looked down an exhaled heavily. He was right. "Besides, I need to talk to you about something before you see him anyways. I think it'll, be of some help."

"What is it?" I looked back to see Vash, his whole existence seemed broken. Like something just wasn't right. I got the same vibe from _her_ the other day.

"It is about Lily." So I was right.

"What about her?" Vash shakily exhaled.

"You know what I do right?" Vash clasped his hands together on his lap, looking down.

"Of course." I frowned. Vash was training a physical therapist, he managed to get a job as an assistant fairly early out of high school. I guess that was to be expected with his grades, and expertise. But he should know I know that. He told me all about how he wanted to be a physical therapist when we were dating. He even helped me walk again after I spent long periods of time in a wheelchair. It's been a long time since I've needed his help, but I don't see why he asked me.

"Well, Lily and I were old friends as you know, but there was something else." Vash paused to take a breath. It was hard for him to speak evenly, a sign that something was definitely wrong.

"A few months after you and I..." Vash trailed off, we both knew, he didn't need to say it. "Well, she came to me as a client. She was one of my first few actually." Vash wiped an unseen tear from his face. "Oh, Roderich if you saw her," his voice cracked at the close of his sentence. "She could barely lift her arms. Her legs were as thin as rails. You would've been convinced she was a walking skeleton." A few tears rolled down his cheeks, past where his hair covered his face. "She was at an awful point in her life." Vash breathed heavily, his shoulders shook from trying to steady himself.

"You don't have to finish if-"

"No. You need to know." Vash sucked in another breath and breathed out. "She was medically diagnosed with chronic depression, often she would stay weeks on end on her own. Locked in her room with nothing but a pillow next to her. She told me awful accounts of collapsing during a normal time of day, walking in the house, talking to friends, one time on the street. I think hearing her tell me how she'd drag herself out of bed up to that point was even worse than actually knowing about her caving into her depression. It was because of the thoughts that rung inside her head. It hurt too much, and she physically broke down in the process of trying to suppress it. Once she was down she didn't have to bear with it in her sleep. Dreamless she would always say." Vash huffed.

"On her better days she would step outside for air, maybe see a relative, or a close friend. Most of the time she neglected to do even the simple things. Brush her hair. Shower. Eat. She never intended to starve herself, it was just so focused on her thoughts that she'd forget to. She lost so much fat and muscle it got to the point where she couldn't get around anymore. She finally realized she needed help before it was too late, and for that I am thankful. After she made plans to see a dietitian, she called me to help her start walking again. And I did. I poured every minute of my time with her doing small tasks, like walking her around a room. Helping her to keep up with simple conversation. Gradually she started to get better, started to wean herself on food again, and thankfully she is fine now as you already know. As her fiancé I promised that I will never let her get to that low point ever again. Of course she still gets depression sometimes, and that is inevitable. There is nothing I could ever do to stop that. I can make sure she gets something to eat. That she does something. That I do my best to make her know that she is the world to me. That's all I have to do, but at the same time I feel so helpless." Vash looked up, and his tears glittered in the light of the room. "She is everything to me Roderich, that is how we make it through. Together."

I didn't know what to say. How to think. Taking in something like that froze me in time. Then a voice.

_"I am happy Vash." _Lily's voice echoed in my head. _"I am happy..."_ And all this time. The tears clouded my eyes as I turned my head away from him. It finally hit me all at once. The whispers. The hidden messages. Why Lily was so small. Why he offered her food. He noticed me staring. Now I just felt worthless.

"Why are you telling me this?" I sniffled, trying to keep the building tears from escaping as they threatened to roll down.

"You need to know, that-" Vash hiccuped, "-no matter what," a sniffle, "may happen, times will get tough. Things might change in a way you'd never imagine possible. Things that may completely affect your life, and how you manage it altogether. But, you will be strong. You will get through it together. You and Gilbert. I know you can." Vash gasped for air. Trying to recollect himself. "There is something about Gilbert," he shook his head, and smiled. He smiled like that earlier. With pity, and regret. A smile to show the strength he put in me, and the pain it caused to have to give that strength. Like I shouldn't have to go through it, yet I had no choice. It was almost scary. "But I think it would be best if he told you about that himself." He told me that before I passed out. What was the thing about Gilbert? Now I had to know. Even if it would kill me. Even if knowing would hurt me the way it was hurting Vash. Causing him pain to smile for me.

"I think I should go see him now." Vash nodded and called the nurse in to bring out a wheelchair. He whispered something to her and she nodded, they spoke briefly before she left the room. A few minutes later she came back with a chair, and an approval that made Vash smile the way he had been. Pitiful. Vash finally turned back to me, helped me off of my bed, and set me into the wheelchair. He rolled me out of my room, down the hall, and to the right, stopping in front of a door. Room 408.

"Why are we here?" I looked up at Vash. I thought we would have to leave the building, why was he admitted here, in his own room?

"Gilbert must have broken his arm at some point while he was away from your home." Vash looked away, as if there was something else he was keeping from me as to why he was here. Nobody gets admitted to a hospital just for a broken arm. Did this have to do with what Gilbert had to tell me? "The odd thing was, I found him there trying to improvise a sling for it on his own." Vash's voice cut through my thoughts. So Vash found Gilbert back at the house. How ironic.

"I see." I nodded, looking at the pristine white door, the fake gold plaque with the number 408 carved into it. I looked up at Vash and he looked down at me with determination. Mutually we decided that now was the time to do it. I was ready. I would finally find out the truth. And together we opened the door.

* * *

><p><strong><em>To be continued. . . .<em>**


	4. Chapter 4

_If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me. . ._

As Vash rolled me deeper into the nearly identical, white hospital room, my brain seemed to shut down. He was so close. Right there. Actually there. He couldn't go away again. Yet I couldn't get up, I couldn't make myself known. He was the only person I wanted to talk to. Yet I couldn't even make out a whisper. I looked back up at Vash, he was crying again. He looked as if he was sending a loved one to their own grave. To be put to their death. When my voice decided to work again, I hummed to get his attention. He looked down at me, and tried to smile.

"Vash," my eyes were locked on Gilbert, who was still unaware of our presence. His tired, darkened eyes stared off into the blank television at the other end of the room.

"Yes." Vash croaked, trying to keep a barely present stature.

"What's wrong?" And he lost it. Vash stopped pushing, stopped trying to conceal the insistent, quivering corners of his lips, and allowed the persistent tears to fall from his reddened eyes. He gasped in a vain attempt to keep it down, but the tears just kept coming, uncontrollably falling down his porcelain cheeks. I tilted my head to the side in confusion, he had yet to elaborate on why he was so emotional all of a sudden.

"Oh god why did it have to be you? You don't deserve this. You two were supposed to be happy together, and I-" Vash barely breathed out the last part in a whisper. "-I couldn't even get that right."

"What do you-" but he was already gone. I would've looked back. I probably would've even gone as far as to roll after him. If it hadn't been for Gilbert reaching out to me. He held his arm out, and dipped his head to the side, his crimson eyes passionately locking with mine. It was his first acknowledgement of my existence since he had gone. I was so entranced. He seemed to be empathizing with me, just not in the way I would've expected.

"It's okay, he's usually like that." Gilbert played an awkward smile.

"Oh, okay." I glanced at Gilbert, he looked perfectly fine. I may have been delirious, perhaps a bit high on his complete attention for me. Minus the sling holding his arm up, the flicks of platinum hair messily arranged on his pillow, and the fact that he thought Vash succumbing to tears was something 'normal' he seemed as if there was nothing wrong in the first place. Like Vash had been preparing me for nothing.

"Are you alright?" I wheeled myself closer to his bed for lack of a person to push, looking over to see him better. He looked perfect, only a bit wearied, and perhaps a little pale, although I could never truly tell, what with his albinism. Vash had said he was stressed, and though I didn't trust his judgement too much at this point, I still didn't want to upset Gilbert by asking so much from him at first. Just a dip into the pool of mystery that was surrounding him.

"Nein. It is happening again. I will never be alright." I froze. I thought that had been a harmless question. What was that supposed to mean? He was joking. He had to be. Gilbert. The most amazing, slightly self-absorbed, cheerful, boisterous man on the planet. He can't just be... not okay. There's nothing in this world that was awful to Gilbert, he had to have been okay. Better than okay. As okay as one could be with a broken arm. It would be impossible for him not to be.

"What, what do you mean?" Gilbert shook his head.

"Ro- ah wait no." Gilbert pondered throughout his mind. I nearly fell over. He didn't slip up my _name,_ did he? "Sorry! Roderich, I-" he sighed. "-I heard you were very close to me. And I should put this down lightly, but there really is no light way to do it."

"What are you talking about?" I was almost mad now. What was it that Vash knew? What he had been right about. What I had doubted for just a sliver of hope. What would explain why he would say he _knew_ we were close because someone else _told_ him so. What would inevitably make me feel dead inside.

"I want you to know that it's not just you, and everyone deals with it in different ways so please, if you need any help give West a visit."

"West? Who- what do you-"

"Roderich, just please let me finish."

"Okay."

"I am clinically diagnosed with amnesia. It acts up sporadically, but usually seems to be at its worst in the fall. It'll start off with little things, like where I left something, what month it is, where I am. Eventually the people surrounding me aren't familiar anymore. I know a few things about them, what they look like, their name, maybe even if I've seen them before. But not much else even if I could recall any of that. I usually kept a journal around to track small important things, maybe dates, birthdays, a person who I should avoid or stick to. I never really needed to keep a journal as of late. It hasn't gotten this bad since the end of middle school, or so I was told. That was maybe five years ago?" His sense of time was apparently off too, it was almost nine years ago. So now it made sense. It was never a joke. He really forgot what day it had been. Every year.

"I don't recall a thing about Vash. He said he didn't know me well, but we were somehow friends. Something tells me there's a little more that went on between us that I don't know. Some things do come back though. Within the year I may pull up some memories of our past, like I do with some, special people, but it's never guaranteed. I know of a brother that lives in West Germany. I never really knew his name. How close we were. I do not truly remember anyone. Just who they were. The feelings I felt for them then almost never return with the memories. But I love West. I know I do. It's just something I can never forget. I know he is my brother. I know we did... some things together. It doesn't matter what. He's the only one I'm certain has all of my trust. We probably weren't as close as my memories allow me to see. But it's still hard to say if we were as close as I think. I can't remember the last time he visited me." I was on the brink of tears. He didn't remember his own brother. Ludwig came to see us every year for his birthday, and the holidays. They seemed so close. So perfect. No wonder he always called out to him, never really spoke his name when I was around to see them. He spoke and entranced me once again.

"I know of you. I know of our past. I can even pull up bits and pieces of it every now and again. But I do not remember you. Not how we were as people then. How we felt for each other. I used to, tease you. I think. It was because I wanted something from you. Your attention maybe. We used to bake a lot. I can remember by smell. The doctors said that scents you've smelled in the past help you remember. We burned some things, even a whole kitchen once." Gilbert laughed to himself.

"I don't think I could ever forget that scent. But we also made some good things together. Lovely, as you'd say, if I recall correctly." Gilbert looked down, and scrunched his nose in thought. That was one thing that didn't change about him, even with his amnesia.

"Apples. It smelled like apples." Gilbert looked down in embarrassment. In shame. It must be so degrading to tell someone what was entirely wrong with you. All of your difficult, imperfect life. And to someone who you don't even remember.

"I'm sorry if I meant a lot to you. Still mean a lot to you. But as far as I know you were an old friend. I could tell. In most my memories of you, we were both very young. In some we were a bit older, but those are still pretty hazy. And there aren't really that many. I think I'd like to be friends with you again Roderich. Even if only for a little while." I didn't know how to react. He really forgot about me. About our life. Our love. I was broken, I couldn't move. Think. Breathe. My chest quavered and my tears for a moment stopped. With everything. He couldn't remember. I'm so empty. Why hadn't I known. This just wasn't fair. He can't remember me. He'll never know how much he means to me. He has no idea.

"No." My voice shook.

"What do you mean 'no?'" Gilbert asked, genuinely confused. This wasn't a joke anymore. It never was.

"No! You can't forget me. You don't! I'm in there Gilbert. In your past your present, please tell me. What's the most recent thing you remember?"

"I don't know if you want to hear, you already seem pretty hurt, maybe I should let you cope a little before-"

"No. I'm fine. Please tell me." I nearly begged, cutting him off.

"Fine. I remember walking in a house I didn't know. I believe I was in a kitchen. I walked around the floor I was on to see if any of it would bring up any familiarity, maybe jog my memory, but it didn't. Then I heard the sound of metal from upstairs. Almost as if it was scraping against the floor just above the ceiling. I guess it turned out to be you. However, I didn't know who you were at the time so I bolted, not wanting to explain myself to someone who I didn't even know. Before I left I noticed a set of keys with my name on it's so I took it, just in case I wouldn't get a chance to go back there and get them if you had gone at some point while I was out. Somehow while I was walking, I managed to land myself right in front of a speeding car. Luckily I managed to jump to the side of the road before it hit anything important. Unfortunately I wasn't able to save everything." Gilbert moved his arm up slightly. At least that explained the broken arm.

"So, I went back to the house I knew I had the key for, and tried to make a sling for it on my own. I didn't want to deal with the whole procedure of telling the doctors my sob story, since they would have to ask for some sort of identification that I don't have. That, and if I told them I have amnesia they would probably try to put me in a home or something. West told me they tried to do that once, and I should never go to a hospital without him, or someone else who knows me well. So, naturally when Vash found me and told me I would have to go to a hospital I freaked out. I didn't know who he was, but he said he knew a friend of mine. You. When I asked who you were he said I lived with you and was confused as to why I didn't know that. So, as you probably already know, I ended up telling him my story, he filled me in on some things he thought I would find to be important, then he took me here." So that was it. That was everything. That was why Gilbert had gone. It made perfect sense in the worst, most unsatisfying way. I found him, but I can never truly have him back.

"You said you can remember, right?" I asked solemnly, monotone, with tears budding in my eyes.

"Please don't get your hopes up. Yes, there's a possibility of it since you were close to me, but there's no guarantee that even if I do remember you, it won't go away again."

"But you _can_ remember. Y-you can't forget me Gilbert, I'm in there. I-I know you know me, I am just not on the surface."

"Please, do not deny it. I can not take it as it is. This isn't easy on me either, but please-"

"NO! You didn't forget me, this is just your joke. You do it every year Gilbert. It's gotten old now, but it's okay."

"Roderich, please don't hurt yourself. Just give it some time to sink in." I ignored him. I got my hopes up.

"I love you Gilbert, I'll see you soon okay?"

"Roderich-" Gilbert tried, half spent, half angry with me.

"I'm going to go home and make us dinner." I quavered. "I'll make your favorite."

"Roderich!"

"I will see you at home. Goodbye, I love you." And with that, I took Gilbert's hand, kissed it, then wheeled myself out the door. I rolled down the hall in tears. He did not respond. He did not call out or anything. There was no 'I love you too Roderich.'

When I got home I held to my promise. I cooked more than enough mashed potatoes, wurst, and apple strudel for two. I even set up the table with our nice, white-laced cloth used for holidays, Gilbert's favorite chocolate scented candles, and a couple of beers left forgotten in the back of the fridge. The glass plates seemed to roll soothingly, creating a willowy sound against the coated table, wrinkling the cloth on a few corners. I smoothed out the imperfections and sat at one end inspecting the plates I had prepared. Everything was placed perfectly, creating the best aesthetic atmosphere for us to eat in. The candlelight was the only source of light in the room, other than the moon peeking through the window, casting a shadow of our barren tree in the backyard. I looked up from my dish with a sorrowful smile, and started to cry. The birds hadn't returned from yesterday. I missed their pale beauty. I convinced myself they would be back in the morning after a while. But as I ate over half of my perfected meal I realized that tonight there was no stopping it. I wrapped up the leftovers. Washed up the dishes. Set up the downstairs bed. And for the night I was to be left entirely alone. Once again, Gilbert never came.

* * *

><p><strong><em>To be continued. . . .<em>**


	5. Chapter 5

_We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea. . ._

**_Vash's Interlude:_**

I froze in my spot at the entryway to the kitchen. I shivered, and trembled in my shoes. I was about to speak up, but I just couldn't. It was downright depressing walking in on Roderich eating alone, glassy eyed, the inaudible tears etching down his pallor cheeks. I knew he had rejected the idea of Gilbert's amnesia, but seeing him all alone, set up with a table for two, the warm scent of a home cooked meal wafting throughout their little home, I just couldn't take it. He didn't notice me, his darkened brown eyes stared off into the far wall, a painting of edelweiss in a field of green gracefully hanging from the golden frame. He dropped his fork at some point, and stopped pushing his food around altogether. He looked so lost, so broken, so empty inside. I couldn't bring myself to actually check up on him like Gilbert had asked me to do once Roderich wheeled himself out of the hospital. I had seen enough. I simply left the house as unnoticed as I had entered.

I nearly told Lily about what I saw, but decided against it. She was already aching enough as it was. She nearly passed out from embarrassment when she had found out I told Roderich about our past together. However she let it go since she knew it would help to give Roderich a small glimmer hope in such a dark time. Even if he had gotten quite distant these past few months I knew Roderich would never truly be absent from our lives. It would only be a matter of time before we would meet again, hopefully next time under better circumstances. So without telling Lily about it I simply passed through the house, kissed her on the cheek, and shuffled to my bed. It had been a long day. I will never admit to crying as much as I had today.

The next several days passed with an agonizingly slow pace, I would assist Roderich to the hospital every day at four, then take him back home a blubbering mess. It was awful. Seeing him get worse like that. With every visit he looked so much closer to giving up, constantly falling deeper into his dark pit of loneliness. Gilbert wasn't getting any better, although it was kind of expected that his changes wouldn't show immediately. In fact he had gotten worse after the first few days, he didn't seem to realize it though. I think that's what really upset Roderich. The fact that Gilbert sometimes didn't know that he had anything to forget. Thank god for his recent memory clips. It wasn't much, but it had gotten slightly better since Gilbert's worst day. So like every other day, today, I stand at the entrance of Gilbert's room, Roderich's chair just in front of me, waiting for Roderich to say it's okay to push him in.

"I don't think I can do this today Vash." Roderich droned. His voice got so dull, so unlike himself in barely a week.

"Don't say that Roderich, Gilbert is always happy to see you." I tried with a small smile.

"You know as well as I that it's just not the same. It's like he's not even there anymore. Just, so far gone." Roderich finished off, staring blankly into space. I honestly wasn't sure who was more gone than the other. Gilbert with his lack of memory, or Roderich with his lack of fervor.

"Come on, let's just go see him." I declared without Roderich's say. He didn't seem to mind though, as he probably expected not to leave without seeing Gilbert first.

"Hey! It's you two again!" Gilbert smiled as he bounded off his cot and greeted us cheerily. I almost laughed, his character never left those lively red eyes. It was such a shame he couldn't remember all of the times those eyes glued on to us with certainty.

"Hey Gil," Roderich smiled, a small smile, but it was there. Roderich must've been happy seeing him smile again. Gilbert never liked to let things get to him, memory or not that famous wide grin could never be drawn from his gently smile wrinkled cheeks. It was nice to know that he remembered us at least from our previous visiting hours, and whatever clips he told us he conjured up from his recollections.

"Hey Roddy!" Gilbert chirped, sitting cross-legged on his bed his arms excitedly moving about his sides.

"Yea?" Roderich looked up, slightly more lively in Gilbert's presence, not wanting to be seen being 'unawesome' as Gilbert would've called it.

"I had a dream last night, and I wanted to know what you thought of it."

"Oh, okay." Gilbert had had a lot of dreams lately, very few of them were actually bits of memories, but most of them were just dreams, although I feel like sometimes Roderich was more disappointed than Gilbert was when he said that his dream was only a dream, with such a gloomy tone.

"We were at this mall or park or something, honestly I couldn't tell you where we were exactly. We were walking around carrying these really heavy bags for some reason, but I could totally handle it, you were complaining though." Gilbert stopped at this point to laugh as Roderich huffed, yet sat up straight in hope. Maybe this was familiar to him.

"We stop walking and stood in front of this huge fountain that seemed to come out of nowhere, and it turns out when we opened our bags we had-"

"Dish soap?" Roderich smiled nostalgically, contently. So it had been real.

"Yea, how'd you know?" Gilbert smiled, tilting his head.

"It was real. We poured the dish soap in the fountain and started a huge soap fight in the middle of the park. We nearly got in trouble with security until you-" Roderich looked down into his lap with a sad smile, his tears nearly apparent if it weren't for the small bangs he had, covering the view of his eyes from my angle.

"What did I do? Please tell me Roddy, I-I want to know." Gilbert leaned in, intrigued, apparently the clips he got in his dreams always left out the closest parts of their relationship. His memories usually cut short before they either hugged, or kissed, or did anything romantic in general. It was probably why Roderich was so depressed. Why Gilbert's condition was so bad, having forgotten most of their relationship. If Lily ever blanked on all thoughts of our relationship ever existing I'd probably be a bit of a mess too.

"Y-you picked me up and carried me home. Of course you had to outrun a few guards, but-" Roderich humphed with an actual smile "-you made it happen." Gilbert let this sink in, then he laughed and keeled over.

"Of course I outran them carrying you, I am clearly awesome enough to handle that!" Gilbert and Roderich's talking seemed to fade out into the distance, getting lower as I succumbed into old memories.

Roderich, as a seventeen year old, as a senior, flashed again through my mind.

* * *

><p>"Gilbert! Cut it out!" The younger albino snickered as he held the sheet music higher, dangling it over the shorter boy's bouncing hair curl.<p>

"Not until you admit to how awesome I am!" Gilbert laughed again as Roderich struggled, holding on to his uniform's sleeve to try and weigh down his arm. They were practically flush against each other, how Roderich hadn't noticed, I'm not quite sure, but looking back on it I knew maybe it was that he just hadn't minded in his efforts to get back his sheet music. His love for playing the piano had barely changed since he started it as a four year old happily tapping the keys. He only got better and better over the years, his love for the large instrument never dwindled. Another memory took over the last.

Roderich sat in the piano bench, his home for seventh period, and played his heart out, expressing his very soul through the sleek instrument. His fingers danced across the keys, the curl in his hair moved slightly as he rocked to keep up with the increasing tempo, a slightly aggravated blush rose onto his cheeks. The series of high octave notes clashing with midsection chords created an empowering melody of his internal anger and sadness. What had gone wrong I had never found out, but I had known that Gilbert was there. He peered in through the door to catch a glimpse of the musician in his element, a chance to see him while mastering his art. He was watching him in a trance as the notes spewed out, and enraptured all who were lucky enough to catch it. He hummed a bit of the song, he had definitely heard it before although this was not a piece he'd play often. He must've done this many times before. Gilbert looked awestruck, he lightly smiled as he ceased to hum the melody to watch over Roderich's pale face. His eyes were closed in concentration, he grazed his teeth against his bottom lip in concentration, and the blush had grown heavily on his cheeks. Gilbert stepped back outside the doorframe and kept his back to the wall, hidden away from Roderich's sight just before the song had ended, his presence unknown to all else in the area. Almost.

And then another.

"Why don't you quit throwing paper at me during class Gilbert! You got your stupid notes stuck down my shirt, douche." Roderich huffed as he tried fishing out said papers.

"Well why don't you ever take the time to read those note eh? I work hard so on them for you." Gilbert grinned, leaning down to look into his eyes.

"I don't want your stupid notes, they never have anything on them, and half of the time that they do, you just doodle a bunch of- AGH!" Roderich flailed his arms in frustration, not bothering to finish off the sentence.

"What's the matter Roddy? You don't appreciate my drawings. And here I thought you'd be so impressed with them." Gilbert leaned in closer, their faces ghosted by the other's breath.

"Shut up Gilbert," Roderich huffed and turned his head away, partially red from their proximity. Stupid Gilbert and his nonexistent personal space. Maybe if there had been some...

"Roderich?" The pair snapped away so fast I could've sworn they both got whiplash.

"Vash!" Roderich smiled walking up to me for a hug, and a quick kiss. "Gilbert was just being Gilbert again."

"Yea, I know," I grumbled giving Gilbert a stolid glare.

"Well obviously! I am always being me because I am always awesome! There is no denying that." Gilbert cackled as he slung an arm over Roderich. I growled a little bit, but kept to myself about getting too openly angry. My constant glare usually took care of that. I always had a bit of a temper problem, and I knew it. I am now no longer scared of using it anymore however. Whenever I exploded on people then I was just mean to everyone. Now when I take out my anger on people (only the ones who deserve it mind you) I am considered protective, and strong-willed. It all matters on how you use it, and for what reasons. But then, I was a coward. Scared to let too much of my anger out on anyone for the fear of being out casted. So I nodded. Absently told Roderich that I didn't mind. That I'd see him later. And left.

Gilbert was always a touchy person, probably as a result from hanging out with people like Francis and Antonio all the time, but somehow with Roderich it had seemed different. He would always try to get closer, past the boundaries set by Roderich whenever he tried to slap him away. Believe it or not Gilbert was usually respective of other people when they told him to back off a little. And that was only if Roderich was completely aware of the fact how close Gilbert had been at the time. As an artsy person Roderich was fairly spacey at times, although he hates to admit it. Obviously he wasn't nearly as spacey as that italian kid who practically breathed in paint fumes all day, but he definitely zoned out enough to not be aware of what was around him, or who was near him at all times. So, with an overbearing albino, and a slightly unaware musician, they formed a friendship without even knowing. They fought during most of it, but everyone knew they never really meant what they said. Gilbert would tease him, and somehow slide a little closer, force Roderich inward just a little more. Steal his papers, toss him notes in class, he even managed to slide up next to Roderich on his bench while playing piano once. And I think that's how he finally got to me.

I started to feel left out of the picture. So alone. I tried convincing myself that he still loved me. He had to. It was still different. Whenever I saw the two friends together I would always distance myself for a while. And then I realized, how much more suitable they were for each other than I had ever been for him. Roderich and I were both so refined, so alike, practically twins. We seemed perfect in the sense that everything was so uniform, and we just so happened to fall in love. But that was not the case. Gilbert gave Roderich life, gave him contrast. A challenge. A new occurrence everyday. I started to see him smile more with Gilbert than he had when I was with him. He was so happy around him. I've only ever made him smile like that half as much, and that was when I tried. Gilbert managed to do it effortlessly. I knew I had to let him go.

"What's been with you lately Vash? It's like you're never even there!" Only I was. I made sure to be where he could never reach me.

"Don't talk to me like that I've always been here for you. I made sure you never got into any trouble." Lies. So painfully true, and false at the same time.

"I mean it! You aren't taking this seriously. You aren't taking us seriously," Roderich's eyes started to bud with tears. No. You're not good for him. Don't let him pull you back in. I turned my head away. I couldn't bear to do this looking into those eyes. It's for his happiness not yours. You'll get over it.

"Well, I'm sorry." I muttered with fake annoyance. I really am. "I guess my efforts just aren't good enough anymore now are they?"

"You are unbelievable! When have you tried, when have you done anything, why am I even still with you!" Roderich slipped, holding his mouth the tears started to prick at his eyes. "No, Vash I-"

"No I get it. That's how you really feel about me no need to take it back." I almost thanked him for the slip. This would be much easier now.

"No! I didn't mean it. I was just so mad over nothing and I probably just underestimated you. You still love me, don't you?" Roderich's eyes went glassy as he looked into mine. Of course I still did, but he was going to move on eventually. I had to make it easier. I had to end this.

"I'm sorry, Roderich." I turned away, I couldn't bear to look at him anymore. If I had I may have taken it back. Pulled him back into my arms again. "We're done."

* * *

><p>"Vash! Yoohoo! C'mon what's with you. You don't say a word all day, the least you can do is talk a little before visiting hours end." I looked around me, Gilbert was shaking my shoulder roughly. Roderich was barely trying to hold back the amused smile that spread across his lips. I nodded at him and told Gilbert I was a little caught up in other things, and that I was sorry for missing out on most of the visit daydreaming today. Yet, my mind was still completely somewhere else. I watched as Gilbert gave Roderich a friendly hug goodbye before turning to me. I felt his tight hug for a moment, then barely processed it as I mechanically got up, said goodbye, and started to wheel Roderich outside to my car. Even though what I did all those years ago hurt. Hurt me. Hurt Roderich. I'm still glad I did it. It made him happy, even if only for a while. He finally made something with Gilbert. And even if he couldn't remember he was still happy when they still remembered their love. They still had something. Something that I helped create. I will never let that happiness ever be taken away from Roderich again. No matter the circumstances.<p>

* * *

><p><strong><em>To be continued. . . .<em>**


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